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Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
KHD100: Damn, my BULLdozer is not big enough to shovel out that load of BS...

BTW Brew.... That single eyebrow is not sexy. Women... floating out after Brew........ more like escaping from the noxious fumes from Brew!


Aw come on Kim, you're just jealous that atleast unlike you I have eyebrows..and ladies, you'll have to excuse those "noxious fumes" of mine, what can I say, I love pork and beans
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing


How To Impress A Man/Woman: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
In response to: How to Impress a Woman:
compliment her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
listen to her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her.

How to Impress a Man:
show up naked,
bring beer.


I usally just walk in, lick my eye brows and walk back out, and watch as the women float out after me
rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing


How To Impress A Man/Woman: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
SeanJohn79: well I sure hope it's ok because all my frieds on CS are female I still have not figured out how to contact a guy without him thinking I'm gay or something.I have had zero success making any friends other than women.Not that I'm really worried about it though the whole point of this site is to find you other half not your best friend


I always thought your "other half" is your best friend, or atleast is suppose to be


Can Woman be friends with Men : click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa,
half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe,
well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain,
very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece,
gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain,
with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel,
has been through war and doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada,
self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet,
wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iran,
Ruled by Nuts.


laugh


The Geography of Man and Woman: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Trucker: Hey Browncow You are one very cruel man and I am glad I dont have you for a friend or enemy, how would you like to be hit with a baseball bat to put some trust in you.


You tell him Pookie
applause


Can Woman be friends with Men : click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
princemuncher: Yes, they're accurate.Did anybody ever tell you that you look a little like Billy Connelly?


Actually his name is Billy Connolly, here's a hint..I know this because our family last name is Connolly


Hello my American neibours, I need some help please: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Hello all, my son was working on something for his history class, and came in with this. I was wondering if any of you in the States could tell me if any of this is true, thank you

This is what he brought to me:

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.


Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.


Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head


Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln .


Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.


Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln , was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln , was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.


Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.


Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln ' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.


A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.



Hello my American neibours, I need some help please: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Newfie Love Poem

SUSIE TOBIN FELL IN LOVE;
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE
SHE WAS SO 'APPY 'BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE, MAID,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANUDDER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YOUR MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, "DERE'S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY DEAR,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YOUR MUDDER,
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOWS IS YOUR 'ALF BRUDDER.

BUT MUDDER KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YOU 'APPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.
YOU HAIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY



and then there's...

Happy Hour in Newfoundland

A Newfie saw a sign at a restaurant.

It read....

Happy Hour Special:
Lobster Tail & Beer.

"Lard Tunderin Jaises!" he says to himself, "Me three favourite things!"


A Newfie (no offense to the newfies out there): click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
and talking about George....

George and a Newfie feller were both patients in a mental hospital in St. John’s. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, George suddenly jumped into the deep end.


He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. The Newfie promptly jumped in to save him. He swam to the bottom and pulled George out.

When the medical director became aware of the Newfie's heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell the Newfie the news he said, "Newf, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound thinking and judgment.

The bad news is, George, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

The Newfie replied "He didn't hang himself; I put him there to dry ... So...how soon can I go home?"



A Newfie (no offense to the newfies out there): click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
NEWS FLASH.....
According to the news, at 10:30 am (Newfoundland time) it was just reported that a 2 seater Cessna was flying from Cape St. Mary’s to Labrador when the engine quit working. The Cessna slammed into the cemetary just outside Labrador. At last report, search and rescue officals stated they have already pulled 68 bodies and the toll is expected to rise even higher before the end of the day














Think about it


A Newfie (no offense to the newfies out there): click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
KHD100: Sounds like a newfie called Brew LOL

Great one!!


Bite me, I'm not a newfie, so there sticking out tongue
ha ha ha


A Newfie (no offense to the newfies out there): click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
In response to: A Newfie - let's call him Kenny, is driving home after downing a few at the local pub.
He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid it and almost too late realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his pat h.
He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the trees!
Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to a stop.
The officer approaches Kenny's car and asks him what on Earth he was doing!
Kenny tells his story of the trees in the road when the officer stops him mid sentence and says .
' Fer Chris' sakes Kenny! That's yer air freshener!'


ha ha ha cute..
Do you know why you'll never see a fridge in Newfoundland with kool-aid in it ?
That's because they still haven't figured out how to put 8 cups of water in those little envolpes


A Newfie (no offense to the newfies out there): click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Brew's friend Kim bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products she asked, "Brew, honestly what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Brew replied, "Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Brew interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet."

and so the truth comes out, huh ?
rolling on the floor laughing


Act Your Age: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government
official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've
seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his
progress,and the damage he's done.'

The Chief nodded in agreement.


The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your
opinion, where did the white man go wrong?'

The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.
Women did all the work,Medicine man free. Indian man spend all
day hunting and fishing all night having sex.'

Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'

dancing


Native Perspective: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Thanks, I realize it was a baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad joke, but what can I say.. I read it in the noosepaper
laugh


Ghost of a Chance: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks,

"How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raise their hand.

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

Three students raise their hands. That's fantastic.

"Now let me ask you one question further ... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand.The professor takes off his glasses, and says

"Son, all the years I've Been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks,
"So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "Shiiiit!! From way back there I thought you said Goats."

laugh


Ghost of a Chance: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited


waving santa
ha-ha-ha

(I ain't him, remember?)


Blond medical terminology: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole bloody works!

I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of 'Thanks Santa'--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from Revenvue Canada sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell has ever sent Santa Claus money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job, there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year, now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season


Ho-Ho-Ho
waving santa


A Letter From Santa to Explain Everything: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
eyesthatknowwhy: Hell yeah! My question is...ummm well jars come in many different sizes - you should see the little jar of maraschino cherries I just bought tonight - it would probably come in mighty handy for ya Brew



and you know it would fit, how ????

(or am I giving aways secrets ? rolling on the floor laughing rolling on the floor laughing )


Good Grief Brew... how could you ??: click here to read the entire thread »

Brew01 Surrey, British Columbia Canada
KHD100: Brew thinks he is a Fireman

Brew goes to a fancy dress party wearing only a glass jar on his penis.

A woman asks, 'What are you?'
He says, 'I'm a Fireman' ???
'But you're only wearing a glass jar?', says the woman.
'Exactly! In an emergency, break glass, pull knob and I'll come as fast as I can!'


Hey Kim .....
sticking out tongue

(wanna breake my jar ?)


Good Grief Brew... how could you ??: click here to read the entire thread »







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